Back-to-School Questions for Parents of Transgender Kids
The start of a new school year can bring excitement and nerves for any family—but if your kid is transgender or gender-diverse, it also brings a unique set of considerations. Ensuring your child is affirmed, safe, and supported at school often comes down to proactive communication with teachers, administrators, and school staff before issues arise.
Whether your child is starting at a new school or returning to a familiar one, here are some key questions you can ask to set the stage for a successful and supportive year.
Name and Pronoun Use
“How will my child’s name and pronouns be recorded and used?”
Ask how these will appear on class lists, attendance sheets, yearbooks, and in communications with substitute teachers.“What systems are in place to make sure all staff use my child’s correct name and pronouns?”
This includes bus drivers, cafeteria staff, coaches, and other adults your child may interact with.
Privacy and Confidentiality
“How will you ensure my child’s gender identity is kept private if they’re not out to everyone?”
This is especially important if your child is out to peers and staff but not to all family members, or if they want control over who knows.“Who on staff will be informed, and how will that information be shared?”
Make sure you understand who has access to your child’s information and why.
Safety and Anti-Bullying Protections
“How does the school address bullying, harassment, or discrimination based on gender identity or expression?”
Look for a clear, enforceable policy.“Who should my child (or I) go to if there’s a problem?”
Identify point people—like the school counselor, principal, or designated equity coordinator—before an issue arises.
Facilities and Activities
“What bathroom and locker room options are available for my child?”
Ask if your child can use the facilities that match their gender identity and if there are single-stall or private options if desired.“How will my child be included in sports, field trips, and extracurricular activities?”
Ensure inclusion policies align with your child’s needs and state or district guidelines.
Classroom Environment
“How will you address gender diversity in the classroom?”
This could include using inclusive language, avoiding gender-segregated activities, and incorporating representation in curriculum.“Are there procedures to address misgendering in class?”
Clarify how mistakes will be corrected and how patterns of disrespect will be handled.
Uniforms and Dress Codes
“How will the uniform or dress code be applied to ensure my child can dress in a way that aligns with their gender identity?”
In private or uniform-required schools, ask if your child can choose the style that feels most comfortable to them without penalty.“Are there any flexibility options for special events?”
This includes school photos, performances, and formal ceremonies.
Staff Training and Support
“Have staff received training on supporting trans and gender-diverse students?”
If not, ask whether the school would be open to resources or training opportunities.“Who can I work with to make sure my child’s needs are met?”
Building strong relationships with allies inside the school can make a big difference.
Communication and Follow-Up
“How will we keep in touch about how the year is going?”
Agree on a communication plan—whether that’s monthly check-ins, email updates, or a shared document.“What’s the process for making adjustments if something isn’t working?”
Make sure there’s a clear pathway for addressing challenges quickly.
Keep the Momentum Going
Your advocacy doesn’t stop after the first conversation. After your initial meeting with teachers or administrators:
Document agreements in writing so everyone is clear on expectations.
Add relevant supports to official plans like an IEP, 504, or health plan, if applicable.
Schedule follow-up check-ins—even a 10-minute chat can help address small issues before they grow.
Connect with allies—join your local LGBTQ+ parent group or connect with advocacy organizations like GLSEN, PFLAG, or your state’s ACLU chapter.
Know your rights—familiarize yourself with your state’s anti-discrimination laws and your school district’s policies.
Remember: you’re not just supporting your kid—you’re helping create a safer, more affirming school environment for every student.
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