Taking in the News
by Red Karpman
Almost exactly a year ago, a mom that we’ll call Angela called me for the first time. “I’ve been looking for a therapist who can not just accept but celebrate my daughter’s transness with me …especially now”. She didn’t need to say it out loud for me to know that she was referring to last year’s election, and the panic that gripped so many of us who are and who love trans people. As our government becomes more actively hostile, parents like Angela are increasingly facing the dilemma of trying to manage their own fear while shielding their children in an unsafe world.
In order to be an effective shield for our kids, we as parents and loving adults have to protect ourselves from being sucked underwater by fear or despair. While I frequently hear the advice to limit our exposure to the news, I know that approach has limitations - in order for a parent like Angela to protect her kid, she needs to know what’s going on. So here are a few additional ideas:
Separating Your Feeds
A lot of people get news from social media, and sometimes information is available on TikTok or BlueSky that just isn’t really available elsewhere. However, the way that news and entertainment and ads are all embedded together can add to a sense of dread and hypervigilance. So, you could consider separating your feeds: experiment with limiting news and political accounts to one or two platforms, in order to keep news and entertainment feeds separate. The system isn’t foolproof - some news may still sneak in between makeup tutorials - but it can be a relief not to read about ICE agents while getting ready for sleep.
Carefully Select Sources
When we read or hear news, we respond to all of the nonverbal aspects as well as the explicit content, so an anxious or hyped-up source can spike our own anxiety. Carefully selected sources can help keep things manageable.. For me, listening to the Democracy Now podcast on my way home from work - a familiar voice, while I’m upright and still in work mode - helps me feel stronger and more capable, even when I hear awful things. What works for you - the written word? Reading or hearing the news only while the sun is up? Particular newscasters, science communicators, organizations, or friends and relatives that you trust?
Talking With Adults We Trust
When we learn bad news alone, we can feel isolated, trapped - in a word, powerless. We depend on connection with others to survive, and right now, if we want to get through this with our souls, our sanity, and our communities intact, we need to lean on each other. Talking with other adults we trust - friends, other parents, even a corner store chat - is crucial right now.
Zoom Out
Paradoxically, for some people, one way of managing the overwhelming magnitude of the moment we’re living through is to zoom out and notice things that are *really* big. I’m talking about geological timescales, the lifetimes of stars, the expanse of space. It’s a bit grim, but for some of us, “no human action can stop stars from forming and dying” is a comforting thought.
Learn More
Another somewhat paradoxical idea is to learn more. I know, a truly wild thing to suggest to parents, arguably the busiest subgroup of people. For some people, not knowing what’s out there is downright terrifying. Maybe it’s helpful to read more about how climate actually works, to listen to a podcast that details the workings of the Supreme Court, or to learn how airflow and ventilation protect against disease. Information that gives you action steps, locates you in history, or helps you understand systems might help.
Check in on Your Spirit
This might be a good time to check in on your spirit. Maybe you have a sputtering meditation practice you’d like to dust off, or a religious practice that you liked as a child? Maybe you connect with rituals like lighting candles, chanting, or singing together with others. Existential questions ask us to bring in existential practices - namely, whatever gives us meaning and connects us to the things larger than ourselves. This might be a good time to hug a tree and think about the fungal networks nourishing its roots.
We’re living in scary times, and the responsibility to protect and support the children we love might be all the heavier right now. We tend to them partly by tending to ourselves, and supporting our own ability to keep our own feet on the ground. This is hard work; I hope that you can feel the fact that you are not alone in it. May we all stay connected and stay brave through whatever comes.
Red Karpman, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, offers psychodynamic psychotherapy with neurodiverse and gender-diverse teens and adults in their private practice on Lisjan Ohlone land, in Oakland CA; and across California virtually. Outside of work, they like to make crafts, smell redwood trees, and make jokes with the kids in their life. You can reach them at www.therapywithred.com.
