Parent Voices: You’re Doing Great
Many of us are not feeling great, but let’s take a moment to see how we’re doing.
We did not ask for our kids to be symbols or political game pieces. But here we are, here our kids are, on the front lines of what it means to be allowed to be a person. Because for some reason, for a lot of people, accepting trans people is the bridge too far, even when it comes to members of their own families, young people they purport to love.
Thanks to your love and courage, your kids are being allowed to have the experience of being trans AND being ok, something that has previously been nearly impossible. The bounty that that will bear for all of humanity is immeasurable. No, it’s not a perfect experience. It’s not everything we would want for them, not yet, but every step you take alongside (or in front of, or behind, or carrying) your kids is a giant leap for all humankind. Because when we win this battle, this battle to simply allow trans kids to be who they are, other ancient and unnecessary walls can come down as well.
Good Worry
All parents worry. Parents of kids who are specifically targeted with hate (for any reason) worry more, and rightly. Let’s just get that out there. We are right to worry. These days especially we are having to balance pride vs. risk, in terms of what we project publicly.
The great John Lewis used to talk about making “good trouble”—that’s making trouble for a good reason. For me there is “good worry”—what you experience when you’ve been given a sacred mission, and you accept it with honor, gratitude, and humility, uncertain of how you’ll measure up, but certain that you need to do it.
Bad worry is how it was before my son came out. Seeing him uncomfortable all the time, various physical symptoms popping up, and me, the parent feeling powerless and ignorant. I had to follow his lead. And out came a beautiful, creative, loving, kind, smart and passionate boy. No more bad worry for me, and I think a lot less for him. No more “wtf is going on?”
Learning From Our Hero Kids
Now the problem is out there in the world. My kid is apparently making “good trouble” for some people simply by BEING. It’s good trouble because it’s going to help other people. For me this is a lived fact, because when my lifelong best friend came out and transitioned well after middle age, I was one of the very few people in her life (if not the only person) who knew exactly how to support and affirm her—because of what I learned from my son.
Yes, we wish that the burden of fixing the world did not fall on the shoulders of our kids, but that’s the way it always is, ultimately. We give them the tools, the unconditional love, the self-confidence, and they aim higher than we did, believing that things can be even better than what we hope for.
Your Gift to the Future
If you’re the parent of a trans kid, and you’re affirming, curious, involved and invested enough to be reading this blog, then you’re doing great. If you’re embracing who your kid is, while being flooded with worry, then you’re doing great. No matter how some people might want to make your kids feel, your kids know what they feel, because they know who they are.
And they’re leading the world into a better place merely by shining the light of their existence. Just by being who they are, which would not be possible without the priceless gifts of love and support and strength you are giving them.
We don’t know exactly what’s coming, and surely there are tough stretches ahead, but by putting your kids on this course you, and they, and all of us, have already won. You and your kids are already heroes. You are gifting to the future your authentic, valued, supported and affirmed little humans. Ultimately that is everything.
If you are a parent or caregiver who wants to better support your LGBTQIA+ child, consider parent coaching. You can book a complimentary 15 minute consult here.
Parent Voices is an anonymous opportunity for parents to voice their experience of raising a trans child, without disclosing their identity, and outing their child. If you would like to submit an article please send it to hello@genderspecialist.com with the subject line “Parent Voices”
