After years of bracing for the next piece of bad news, what if we actually let ourselves feel relief when it comes?
Maybe you felt it sometime Tuesday night, or maybe you didn't trust it until Wednesday morning. You stopped refreshing the screen, your shoulders dropped a little, and something in your body that had been preparing for bad news realized that, at least for a moment, it didn't have to.
Relief.
For trans people and the people who love them, there hasn't been a lot of room for that feeling in the last few years. We've gotten used to bracing for elections, court decisions, legislation, school policies, healthcare restrictions, and the next headline that makes us wonder what comes next.
So when something goes better than we feared, it can be surprisingly difficult to just let it be good. Almost immediately, the qualifications arrive. Yes, but this result was bad. Yes, but that court case is still coming. Yes, but there are still people being harmed.
All of that can be true. There were results from this election that will have real consequences for trans people, and there are political and legal fights ahead that deserve our attention. But we don't have to use those truths to talk ourselves out of feeling relieved.
Relief isn't believing the danger is over. It's letting your body register that something went better than you feared.
Maybe we can stay there for a minute.
When Bracing Becomes a Way of Life
If you are trans, love someone who is, or simply care deeply about trans people, paying attention to politics can feel necessary. Political decisions aren't abstract when they can shape whether people can access what they need, feel safe in their communities, or move through the world without having their identity debated. For many trans people and their families, the consequences are already very real.
But after enough bad news, staying informed can quietly turn into bracing for the worst. You read one encouraging headline and immediately look for the catch. You feel good about an election result and remember the court case you're worried about. Even when something goes well, part of you is already scanning the horizon for the next threat.
You exhale and almost immediately think, Okay, but what comes next?
There will be more moments that require our vigilance. We don't have to borrow them from the future.
I don't mean that we should stop paying attention, and I certainly don't mean that an election result makes everything okay. I mean that we are allowed to notice when something is good. We can celebrate progress while knowing there is more work to do. We are allowed to have a nervous system that experiences something other than dread.
Our Kids Notice When We Exhale, Too
For those of us raising, teaching, caring for, or otherwise showing up for trans young people, I think there's another reason this matters. Kids notice what happens in the adults around them. They see our faces change when we read something on our phones. They overhear conversations in kitchens, classrooms, and cars. They notice when we're suddenly anxious about school or travel or healthcare, even when we're trying very hard not to make that anxiety theirs.
Over time, I'm scared about what the world might do to you can unintentionally start to sound like there is something scary about being you.
I want our kids to get to witness ease too. I want them to hear us talk about something going better than we expected. I want them to know there are people showing up for them, that progress is possible, and that the things we are afraid of today don't have to define the lives they will get to have.
If all they see is us bracing, they may begin to believe that bracing is what their lives will require of them, too. I want trans young people to see that the adults who love them aren't only preparing them for what might be hard.
We're also expecting them to have lives that are ordinary, joyful, and fully their own.
You Don't Have to Hold All of This Alone
If you're raising or supporting a trans or gender-diverse person and could use a place to talk through what you're carrying, join me for the next Raising Trans Kids Conversation. It's a live, supportive space for parents and caregivers to ask questions, talk honestly, and be in community with people navigating some of the same things.
You don't need to have read Raising Trans Kids to join us.
